Past, present, and future

Grandma was here for this week, and I think she is coming back for Christmas which is exciting for me! I love my Grandma, and it has been fun hanging out with her as she gets to love on her great grand babies. This is going to be a hard Christmas this year for her. My Grandaddy passed away at the end of October. I was going to blog about him, but I could never do it. It was too hard at the time. He was diagnosed with emphysema in the early 80s, so he quit smoking. About 7 years ago he started using oxygen and progressively became dependent on it as his lung capacity began to decrease. He got to meet Gabe in the beginning of September which made him and myself extremely happy! The last time I had seen him was in May. He looked and sounded like his illness had gotten a lot harder for him. I could not imagine not being able to do the simple things I can do like walking to the mail box with out feeling like I cannot breathe. He eventually only would walk about 40 feet to get in his bed, and that made it hard on him. His quality of life was horrible due to this disease.

Grandaddy used to take us out in his shop and we would build all kinds of things with wood. Pretty much anything our little minds could think up, he could build for us, and he would let us help! He would show us what and how to do something. He was so patient with us. Then we would go inside and he would sit in a recliner and let us put pink rollers in his hair. If it made us happy, he would let us do it. I love that man!

On October 2nd, he was admitted into the hospital for pneumonia. He had days the medical staff said he was getting better and the next day he would have a bad day. In the 19 days he was there, he was placed on about 3 times as much oxygen as normal, he was taking morphine and an anti anxiety medication since it was so stressful not to be able to breathe. He stopped eating food and was forced to drink ensure to get any calories possible. He eventually refused that too. One of his lungs collapsed and had to be relieved with a chest tube. They thought his pneumonia was clearing up and found a mass in his lungs which ended up being even more pneumonia. He eventually was taking morphine every other hour just so he would not be in pain anymore. My family decided that hospice would be best for him just so he would be able to stay comfortable. He died October 21, 2011...a week before his 86th birthday.

I feel extremely blessed to have gotten to see him a week before he passed away. He may not have remembered my sister and I coming to visit him after we left the hospital, but we got to talk to him and tell him how much we loved him. He wanted to see his great grand babies so badly, but they were not allowed to come into that area of the hospital. My sister told him to get better, and he asked why? The only thing we could tell him was so he could see them. The look in his eyes when I said good bye to my Grandaddy said it all. He looked at me as if saying, "please do not make me get better."

I prayed for complete healing, and many people may think that my prayers were not answered, but they were. My Grandaddy is in heaven with the one true God who is the healer, comforter, and savior of my Grandfather. He is no longer in any pain or struggling just to breathe. How awesome is that! I have so much peace knowing where he is, and I will be seeing him again!